Anxiety and The Real Thing

so many conversations around autism focus on masking and unmasking and not enough people talk about autists who can't mask, who never masks, who mask very little. i was never able to pretend to be anyone else but me, and that included being autistic.

i tried consciously masking maybe 3 times and every single time my mask failed miserably.

the only thing i was ever and still am at least partially masking is my need to stim. and guess what? instead of having healthy stims, my go-to stim is fucking dermatillomania, and people still think something's fucking wrong with you when they see you rip skin off your lips or almost skin your entire thumb.

i "masked" my light sensitivity by walking around outside with my face to the wall.

i "masked" my face-blindness by not saying i have no idea who i'm talking to but the blank look on my face was obvious.

i "masked" my speech issues by entirely avoiding to participate in class.

i "masked" my overstimulation by randomly lashing out at people.

i "masked" my utter lack of orientation by not going anywhere and being isolated.

i "masked" my autism by being obviously ND (and somehow it was still ignored). i don't identify with 95% of the stuff people say about masking/unmasking.

most people only talk about successful masking, about people who actually manage to pass for allistic/NT, never about failed masks, inability to mask etc.

COLD WEATHER TIPS FROM SOMEONE WHO LIVES WHERE IT’S COLD:

I always see posts about layering clothing, but there are so many more creative ways to help keep you warm if you don’t have a lot of warm clothes. But first, a note on layering clothing:

-Your underlayer is your WICKING layer. That means it is a layer specifically to absorb the moisture your body produces. DO NOT USE COTTON AS A BOTTOM LAYER. Use merino wool if possible, but other good substitutions are nylon, polyester and rayon. 

-Your middle layer is for insulation. You want AIR POCKETS in there, NOT tight fitting clothes. This is where you want to put your fluffy sweaters, your fleece, down, fur, flannel, or vests. If you do not have these, you can substitute with multiple layers of long sleeve shirts.

-Your outer layer is for keeping the cold away from your body. If you do not have a jacket, you can put on your thickest piece of clothing and then a raincoat over it. Windbreaker if you have one. 

ALSO

-Jeans are the absolute worst at holding heat. Use only as a last resort. 

-You can’t really ever have too many layers on your feet. Alternate tucking your layers of pants into your layers of socks to keep your ankles warm!

-Wear a hat OVER a hood if it will fit! This will keep your ears warmest.

TAKE OFF/OUT ANY AND ALL JEWELERY/PIERCINGS

-If you have a medical bracelet, DO NOT REMOVE IT. If you can, tuck a layer of clothes between it and your skin.

NON-CLOTHING TIPS:

-Raid your recycling. Gather all cardboard boxes and break them down so that they are flat. Put them on the floor to add more layers between you and the cooling house. Newspaper will also serve the same purpose.

-In an emergency, you can also layer newspaper between clothing layers. Don’t worry about looking stupid if you’re staying warm.

-If you have a tent, set that sucker up in whatever room you have decided to stay in. Stay in it and keep it zipped shut as much as you can, but do NOT cover the vent at the top. You can put the rain fly up, but make sure there is circulating air for you to breathe.

-You are probably not going to feel very hungry at times. DO NOT STOP EATING OR DRINKING. Digestion produces a lot of body heat and the food will give your body energy to keep itself going.

-The best foods are heavy and full of carbs and proteins. Eat nuts, eggs, pasta, meats, and beans. If you are on a diet, now you’re not. If you’re vegetarian… bulk up on those pastas and nuts.

-Try not to sweat. If you are finding yourself getting damp, take off the outer layer just until you start to cool slightly. Then redress! Your bottom layer should dry quickly, and being wet is dangerous.

-On that note, STAY ACTIVE. You are probably going to want to hunker down and snuggle up, but that will make your muscles cramp. Every 15-20 minutes do something that gets you up and about. Walk circles in the room, do a couple jumping jacks, stretch, whatever. Just enough to move some blood around your body. Don’t get sweaty or out of breath, it’s just a little movement.

-CHAPSTICK. ON YOUR LIPS. ON YOUR NOSE. ON YOUR EARS. ON YOUR KNUCKLES. Don’t let your extremities get dry or cracked.

SIGNS OF HYPOTHERMIA:

-Uncontrollable shivering
-Slurred speech
-Confusion or memory loss
-Dizziness or lack of coordination
-Inability to be woken from sleep

CHILDREN AND INFANTS!!!! I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH.

-Children WILL get colder before you. Make sure they are properly bundled up.

-If you need to breastfeed, put a blanket over the both of you and wait a few minutes for the air to warm before removing or shifting your clothing.

-DO NOT COVER AN INFANTS FACE. ESPECIALLY WHEN SLEEPING. Keep them tucked inside your own clothes when possible. As close to your heart and stomach as possible. 

-Put chapstick on children’s cheeks and clean their face often if they are crying or wiping at their nose. This will prevent cracked skin and irritation.

-Make sure your children are staying as hydrated as you! They are going to fuss and not want to drink cold things, but they NEED liquids.

SIGNS OF HYPOTHERMIA IN INFANTS AND TODDLERS ARE DIFFERENT:

-Shortness of breath 
-Cold, red skin
-Lethargy or listlessness

Finally:

CHECK ON YOUR NEIGHBORS. CHECK ON CHILDREN. CHECK ON THE ELDERLY. STAY SNUGGLED. STAY SAFE.

Hey guys, I am boosting this again for winter 2022/23 with Texas and New England in mind. If you haven’t heard, the energy companies for these areas in particular have expressed that they may need to conduct rolling blackouts throughout the winter due to energy shortages. We are also expected to have a very cold winter.

It’s important to get your chimneys inspected if you have a wood stove/fireplace/ect to make sure they are clean and safe. Store wood an appropriate distance from the heat source.

If your power is out and therefor the water as well, and you HAVE to flush that toilet, you can take the top off the tank and pour some in before each flush. DO NOT waste your drinking water on this. Use a bucket of water from a pond or run the bath and fill up a bucket beforehand. Do not use pool water. I haven’t looked into what chlorine would do to a septic tank/public water supply but I assume it’s nothing good.

If you have questions about the blackouts, I suggest calling your energy provider (I need to do this too) to see if they have more information or a schedule of when they might need to start implementing shut downs.

Buckle up and bundle up, everyone. Be safe 💜

“Raz zastałem go medytującego nad czystą kartką papieru: “rysuję” - odpowiedział [Leon Chwistek] zapytany, co robi - mimo, że nie rzucił na papier ani jednej kreski, i ta odpowiedź charakteryzuje dobrze wysiłek intelektualny, wkładany przez niego w malarstwo.”

— Karol Estreicher

I will be honest. I do not know who karl marx is

“U mnie wygląda to tak, że bardzo pragnę stabilizacji, ale najlepiej takiej z drobnymi przygodami. Poza bezpieczeństwem potrzebuję też bodźców. Nudzę się, kiedy jest ich za mało. Zaczynam wewnętrznie podskakiwać w miejscu. Źle mi to robi, bo skaczę coraz wyżej.”

— Dorota Kotas - “Cukry”

Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)

[gets a tumblr ask and reads it] wow! i should respond to that!! first i have to do something though [walks into the ocean never to be seen again]